"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself"
Wayne Dyer
I listened to a podcast the other day and heard something that really got me thinking. Something that I have been fighting against (and judged on) in recent years and articulated in three simple words; Complaining, criticising, and comparing.
These three words have been resonating with me for some time now. Let me explain.
Until a few years ago, my life was dictated by these three words. I know I spent a lot of time complaining; about work, feeling tired of the rat race, lack of time to do anything that I wanted to do, blah blah. Along with that came criticism; criticising loved ones, frustration at colleagues, annoyed at anyone or anything that didn't go my way. And then the icing on the cake, comparing. My word, this is such a toxic behavior. I was CONSTANTLY comparing and despairing; my kids with their peers, my work/life balance, my happiness, MYSELF.
And where did that get me? Not very far apart from wallowing in my own self-pity, feeling like it wasn't enough. Even though I was happily married with two beautiful children, had a successful career and was in good health, it wasn't enough.
I kept going on the hamster wheel saying to myself, "It will all be better when...".
We've all been there. Waiting for the day when all our troubles melt away and we are living blissfully in paradise.
Reality check, please.
And then, one day, my life changed in a moment. A moment that will stay with me forever. A trauma that left me feeling scared, weak, lost and anxious from which I continue to heal. A moment where I was given a second chance at life.
From that moment, things changed. I changed.
I made the time to turn inward to find some inner guidance and peace. I searched deep within to find a fighting spirit that I knew was within me, buried in self-loathing and phrases like "I can't". It was hard but I knew I had it in me.
Suddenly, from sitting still, the fog lifted and everything became so clear. I watched my 'old' self like I was watching a movie and saw a person that had become lost. Lost in a life she was trying to create through comparing, criticizing and complaining and feeling incomplete.
I watched my movie from a place of no judgment. I felt sad but I also came to realise this was not a vibration I wanted to remain in.
Instead, I was guided to choose kindness, compassion and gratitude. So much gratitude for what my short life had already taught me. Compassion for others and meeting them on their journey, wherever that may be. And kindness, as the saying goes, "In a world where you can be anything, be kind."
I started living by these principles. I changed. I came to the realization that when I was judging others, it said more about me then it did about them. I once shared this thought with a friend who said to me, "God, you've really changed".
My reply? "Thank you". I'm not sure where her sentiment was coming from, but I knew then that I was living my truth and raising my vibration.
As I navigate yet another transition in my life, I'm reminded every day to make a choice of which three words will drive my day.
By no means, am I a perfect. Sometimes life gets me down and there's a relentless dialogue of complaining, criticizing and comparing.
But being aware is key. Only through awareness can we become unstuck and make that choice.
On those days, I choose kindness, compassion and gratitude and on those days, I know I am being my best self.
Next time you're stuck in the three C's of life, catch yourself and make a choice ✨
Xo